Dealing with setbacks is an inevitability when you are working towards goals in your life. Progress is determined more by how you handle setbacks than how you go about things when they are easy. All change and growth requires you to overcome challenges. In order to be effective at growing and developing as a person a certain level of resilience to setbacks is necessary. 

Your Goals are Key

To be able to understand how to develop resilience to setbacks you must first understand what causes setbacks to disrupt progress. When someone is working towards a goal their success is largely determined by:

1.  how important the goal is to them
2. their process of achieving the goal
3. how confident they are in themselves. 

To begin dissecting the effect setbacks have on progress you must understand the value of goals.

I have written a few articles on goals already. Specifically, the difference between outcome and identity-based goals, instant gratification, and neuroplasticity. 

Outcome-Based Goals

Referring to my article on outcome and identity based goals we know that outcome-based goals often fail for 3 reasons:

1. They draw into focus the entirety of the process of achieving the goal all at once, which destroys motivation
2. They require you to make sacrifices in your lifestyle to accommodate the goal, which creates resentment
3. If you do manage to achieve the goal it often loses its value when you realize it is not fulfilling

Outcome-based goals are fragile. They are based on external wants, not internal values. External wants are enticing but do not often inspire people to maintain their efforts for long. When they face the challenges described above, they often lose motivation and give up. 

These goals come baked with metaphorical landmines that catch people unaware. In the context of setbacks, someone pursuing an outcome-based goal is likely to experience a significant amount of stress navigating the problems above. When the person experiences a setback it causes the whole operation to crumble.

 By understanding outcome-based goals we can begin to understand how to set more important goals. 

Instant Gratification

The second hurdle to consider when looking at the relationship between outcome-based goals and setbacks is Instant Gratification. Our society unconsciously encourages instant gratification constantly, and it has become a serious problem for people in achieving meaningful goals.

As a recap of my Instant Gratification article, our brains measure the perceived value of rewards differently depending on the amount of time and effort required to achieve them. 

The perceived value of a reward goes down as the effort and time needed to achieve it increases. Nobody likes hearing that it takes 4-6 months of strict diet and exercise for the average person to get a visible six-pack. This effect has been magnified by our culturally-encouraged instant gratification. 

Instant Gratification can be considered a constant pressure in the back of your mind. It is always pushing you to jump to the next thing when something isn’t giving immediate results. When you experience a setback instant gratification steps in and says; “see? this wasn’t even worth the effort, it’s too hard. Go do something else that will get us stimulation quickly.” 

One 4 hour Netflix binge later and you’re left wondering what went wrong. Instant Gratification was waiting for you to become unsure, and then it pounced. The setback is magnified by Instant Gratification, and the weight of that setback causes you to give up completely. The reward will take too much time and effort to get. 

Through understanding of how Instant Gratification works to undermine our goals we can begin to develop a process of achieving goals that is effective. 

Neuroplasticity

Lastly, in my neuroplasticity article I discussed how as you engage in thoughts and behaviors repeatedly your brain grows and strengthens the neural pathways used for those things. This phenomenon works on any thought or behavior and does not care if they are negative or positive. It is an automatic system designed to make whatever you do efficient. 

This is important in considering setbacks for two reasons. First, neuroplasticity does not start immediately. It takes a few weeks of repeatedly and regularly engaging in the thoughts or behaviors before your brain begins to optimize the pathway. As you are first beginning to pursue a new goal you have not yet built up the neural pathways to help you engage in your behaviors efficiently. This makes you particularly susceptible to setbacks early on.

Second, when you are trying to make a change in your life by pursuing a goal you are replacing old behaviors with new ones. This means you are undoing the neural pathways for the old behavior, which have already been reinforced by neuroplasticity. 

As you begin to pursue a new goal you have to wait for neuroplasticity to start supporting your new behaviors while simultaneously fighting the work neuroplasticity did to reinforce the behavior you are replacing. 

The new behavior is hard and the old behavior is easy. There are two fronts that setbacks can disrupt your progress on. First, a setback will make returning to the older, easier behaviors seem enticing. It’s comfortable, you’re confident in those behaviors, it’s what you know. Second, a setback will make the already difficult new behavior seem even more difficult, it magnifies the lack of neural pathway development. 

A Quick Recap

To recap, setbacks disrupt attempts to change in 3 main ways. 

Provided they are using outcome-based goals, a person trying to change may lose motivation, resent the outcome they are trying to achieve, or realize the outcome does not fulfill them. These traps create pressure on the person, they are trying to resist these things as they pursue their goal. A setback happening while someone is navigating these problems is likely to derail them completely. 

Next, setbacks can be used by the instant gratification urge as a way to abandon projects that don’t seem to yield results quickly enough. When the setback occurs instant gratification urges the person to switch to something that might give them a faster result. Setbacks provide an opportunity for instant gratification to pull you off the path of developing self discipline.

Lastly, setbacks can disrupt progress early on in trying to change due to Neuroplasticity not having taken effect in maintaining the new behaviors while also still reinforcing the old ones. The new behavior is more difficult than the old because of reinforced neural pathways, and when a setback occurs it can be tempting to return to what is familiar. 

Understanding how setbacks disrupt progress is key to understanding how to manage setbacks appropriately. 

How to Overcome The 3 Problems of Outcome-Based Goals

Problem 1

Luckily, the first problem has already been addressed in my article on outcome-based goals. The concept is fairly simple in theory; by tying goals to identity rather than outcome you can circumvent the 3 problems of outcome-based goals. 

For example; the first problem is that because outcome-based goals are based on getting objects or tangible things, your brain will attempt to conceptualize achieving the entirety of the goal at one time, which will destroy your motivation with the impossibility of completing the task immediately. 

If your goal is to save 1 million dollars, an outcome-based goal, and you’re depositing 1000 dollars a month into a savings account, your brain is running the calculations on how long it will take to accomplish your goal. Yes, you could technically do it if you managed the practice for 83 years, but that is nearly impossible. The weight of the entire outcome is considered at one time, and it crushes your motivation. Why bother?

The alternative is to set your goal to become a wealthy person. Now, in order to achieve your goal you are doing things that will make that a reality. You begin saving money to put into investments, you look for ways to increase your income, you consider habits that align with the identity of a wealthy person. This is an identity-based goal. 

Problem 2

The second problem of outcome-based goals is sacrifices to your lifestyle in order to make the outcome happen creates resentment towards your goal. If you are saving 1000 a month you are sacrificing that money to achieve your goal. 

If you are engaging in the habits of a wealthy person, the sacrifices become alterations instead. You decide willingly to make changes to your lifestyle and behavior to support the identity you are creating for yourself. You begin saving money, researching investing, etc. You are no longer sacrificing things you enjoy for your goal, but adjusting your lifestyle so that you can become what you want. It’s a small, but important distinction.

Problem 3

Lastly, forging an identity is fulfilling in-and-of itself. While saving 1 million dollars might not be all that great once you make it, becoming a person who is wealthy and successful is fulfilling because you have made sustainable changes and the goal is intrinsic. It does not lose it’s value and it does not risk you falling back into old habits. You have built up a new lifestyle to achieve your identity, that means the habits are built in. 

Through the process of setting and using identity-based goals you are creating goals of importance. They are focused on improving yourself, not getting you things. This importance helps you resist setbacks, as they become less world shattering. It is much harder to be thrown off the path of becoming someone better than it is to be thrown from the path of getting a shiny toy.

Solving the Instant Gratification Problem

The second problem setbacks take advantage of is your Instant Gratification urge. You can mitigate this problem with a paradigm shift. 

Remember, Instant Gratification operates with the mental model of perceived value. If a reward takes a long time or a lot of effort to achieve, the perceived value of that reward decreases in your mind, making you less likely to pursue it. 

You can avoid this problem in a few ways. First, as discussed earlier, set identity-based goals. This bakes the habits you need to form into your lifestyle more effectively. It requires less active work to maintain habits as they are in service to YOU, not to THINGS. 

By pursuing change from the perspective of identity you make your habits intrinsic. They are about developing a better you, and are no longer tied to a physical reward. This does not eliminate the problem completely, but it will help reduce that Instant Gratification urge by detaching from object rewards. 

The reward is growth as a person. Each time you engage in the habits that reinforce your new identity you have succeeded, and are rewarded by the success. The act of doing the habits BECOMES the reward.

Feed the Dog

Beyond shifting your focus to your new identity-based goals, you can beat Instant Gratification with smaller steps. Think of Instant Gratification as a small dog with bad table manners. It sits by your feet hoping to catch some scraps, waiting for any opportunity to get that sweet sweet dopamine rush. 

No matter if you NEVER feed the dog scraps, it will always beg. It will always be there waiting for any morsel of food, and it will always pester you. This is Instant Gratification, it’s always looking for entertainment and reward. 

Here is where my metaphor kind of falls apart. I want you to feed the dog.

 Yes, in real life this would just reinforce the dog’s bad habits, but in the case of Instant Gratification if you provide a constant stream of smaller rewards to the “dog” it will be less likely to pull you off-track when things get difficult due to setbacks. This was discussed in the context of engaging in the habits of crafting a new identity, but there’s more to it.

Baby Steps

The concept is called Kaizen, or Continuous Improvement. The idea is that rather than focusing on huge and sweeping changes, called Innovations, you should focus your attention on small areas of improvement that never stop. 

If your focus becomes about the small areas of improvement you will have to exert less effort in order to succeed, or feed the dog, and you will maintain a constant rate of improvement rather than big jumps with big stalls in between. 

Innovation is what instant gratification loves to attack. Huge changes that require a huge amount of time and effort. Remember, your brain starts devaluing things as they take more time and effort to get. By using Kaizen you can gather small changes over and over, feeding the dog little scraps of success. Over time this will add up into the big changes you are looking for. 

Kaizen reinforces the idea of making the habits the reward by breaking down the creation and maintenance of those habits the focus. Doing one extra rep at the gym, adding a simple meditation to your day. These small changes help you build your new identity and keep the dog happy and full.

Train Your Brain with Neuroplasticity

The last problem you need to tackle to avoid letting setbacks destroy your progress is Neuroplasticity. Thankfully, if you have read this far you already have all the tools needed to conquer this problem. 

Start with identity-based goals. You know that they are easier to maintain and avoid all the problems of outcome-based goals. When trying to build neural connections for your new habit, being able to maintain your practice every day is key. 

The more you engage in the thoughts and behaviors you want to make habitual the more they will be reinforced. Identity-based goals help maintain your practice by avoiding the pitfalls of motivation, resentment, and devaluing. 

Using identity-based goals as the foundation makes building the neural connections you want easier. From there you can begin to undo your undesired neural pathways by using the concept of Kaizen to slowly replace these pathways with better ones. Making small, continuous changes allows you to “feed the dog” and keep your instant gratification urge at bay while you work to reinforce your habits in your mind. 

Identity-based goals form the foundation you work from. Kaizen is the process you use to build your identity. Neuroplasticity is the physical & biological phenomenon that cements your changes in place. This is the process you use to make changes while mitigating setbacks. 

Work to create your identity rather than pursue outcomes. This is how you create important and meaningful goals that are unaffected by setbacks.

Make small, continual improvements towards the creation of this identity each day to build your habit. Over time, your brain will reinforce these new pathways, making the habit easier and easier. By tying your success to the maintenance of habits that reinforce your new identity, and using Kaizen to make small changes that build those habits, you circumvent your instant gratification urge while also engaging neuroplasticity. 

This process is what you will use to avoid letting setbacks destroy your progress. The last step is being confident in yourself. 

The Most Important Step – Believing in Yourself

I wrote about self-confidence recently. In the article I discussed the definition;

 “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.” 

The premise is that in order to build self-confidence you must find evidence of your abilities and qualities so that you can experience that self-assurance, or firm trust in yourself. Self-confidence is about being able to trust yourself. 

You find evidence of your abilities by facing and overcoming challenges and your fears. This shows you what you are capable of and slowly expands your comfort zone over time. To find evidence of your qualities you must develop self acceptance through the setting of boundaries, meeting of your own needs, and in making investments in yourself through responsible self-care. 

Self-confidence forms the foundation from which all other things grow. You must develop a firm trust in yourself in order to resist setbacks. Someone who does not trust themselves will crumble or run when they encounter setbacks because they do not trust themselves to overcome the challenge. They do not believe in themselves due to lack of evidence. 

Find this evidence, take care of yourself, and you will begin to believe in yourself. This belief allows you to shrug off setbacks. They will still sting and frustrate you, but you will continue on with the knowledge that you will succeed eventually. 

Putting it All Together

The final method for developing and maintaining setback-resistant goals looks like this:

1. You need important goals – setting identity-based goals makes your goals about creating a better version of yourself, much more important than a goal of getting a new thing

2. You need a strong process of achieving your goals – Using Kaizen to build up small habits that reinforce your new identity over time mitigates your Instant Gratification urge and engages Neuroplasticity to build your new neural pathways.

3. You need to be confident in yourself – by challenging yourself to overcome difficulties and fears you provide evidence of your trustworthiness of your abilities. By setting boundaries, stating your needs, and taking care of yourself you affirm your qualities. These steps will help build self-confidence, which forms the foundation of all actions you take, meaning setbacks will not stop you. 

By following this method hopefully you can enact lasting changes and not be affected by the inevitable setbacks you will face as you pursue your goals. 

Outcome vs Identity-Based Goals Article: https://zacharypalexander.com/outcome-based-goals/

Instant Gratification Article: https://zacharypalexander.com/instant-gratification/

Neuroplasticity Article: https://zacharypalexander.com/neuroplasticity/

Self-Confidence Article: https://zacharypalexander.com/self-confidence/

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